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November 2007
Alright, so they don’t really suck. But they are dangerous and a collision with one can ruin your evening. Trust me. Two years ago, in the first week of November, I had just left the house around 6:20pm on the way to the fundraiser for our Toy Buying. I wasn’t even a half mile from the house when a four point buck emerged from the trees next to the road and into the light of my headlights. Unfortunately, based on my forward progress and his dash across the road, by the time he got into the light, his neck was over my front fender. It was over before it even started. No crash is elegant and this was no exception. (Think broken collar bone, seriously bruised hip, and over $7k in damage to the bike.)
This was the first time in four years riding up and down that road that I have seen a deer on or near the road. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen some other animals cross the road (or leave their carcass on the road during the attempt). No chickens, but there has been a red fox, some raccoons, a cat and of course the waddling speed bumps we call possums.
So why exactly did the deer cross the road? No, he wasn’t stapled to the chicken. Was there a female deer in heat on the other side? Didn’t see one cross before he did. Perhaps it was part of a larger multispecies animal conspiracy.
Yes, I said conspiracy. We’ve all heard the stories and seen the videos – the deer that broke through the window of a house and trashed the place, the squirrel that comes down the chimney and tears up the house, the deer that smacks the crap out of the hunter with its front feet, or the carp in the Mississippi jumping into boats and knocking fishermen on the head.
We have been hunting, fishing, trapping, raising animals for food and they are tired of it. They are now striking back. Squirrels look confused when you see them crossing the street and they aren’t that effective at stopping vehicles. The animals had to step it up. How else can you explain the 1.5 million deer versus car crashes every year. In 2004, 210 humans were killed in deer collisions in the US. In Maine, they even have statistics on moose versus vehicle incidents. That wouldn’t be any fun on a motorcycle.
Besides, how else could you explain the on the 5day ride down in Arkansas as Dave Sivcovich and I rounded a turn, there was a deer next to the road waiting on me. As I braked hard in the turn, the deer started pacing me on my right. Thankfully I was able to slow because the deer made an abrupt left turn just feet in front of my tire. The conspiracy part was the second deer that ended up running next to Dave just behind me and to our right. While that deer ultimately turned right and headed into the woods, I think its purpose was to distract Dave so he wouldn’t see the possible carnage ahead of him and thus create a deer vs. bike plus a bike pileup.
Of course, we can turn to our friend the Internet to verify just about anything. And yes, there is supporting evidence of an animal conspiracy. Here is a couple supporting links you will enjoy reading:
http://www.vaguebuttrue.com/vbtwrk.ht m#Volkswagen
http://www.vaguebuttrue.com/genius.ht m#TheOtherAnimalsAreAginUS
http://wewontbefooledagain.com/animal conspiracyhome.html
As Tim Bedore once said, “And taken together these other species represent walking, we hope not yet talking, scratching, biting weapons of mass destruction. And if these other species can convince the insect world, for example a well known antihuman group like the killer bees, to join up our way of life and our democracy could be history.”
Conspiracy or not, deer suck. Avoid them at all costs. Watch your speed at night in rural areas. Deer crossing signs indicate areas with previous deer versus vehicle accidents. Where there is one, there are more with it. Keep an eye out for that squirrel sentry, and be ready to stop quickly.
Ride Safe! Rich
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